Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
