I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
