It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
