Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
