my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
