GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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