My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
