Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
