But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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