I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize