I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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