you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
