Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I smell stomach acid.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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