I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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