fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
