More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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