he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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