It's Friday. Sex?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
