turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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