It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
