she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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