Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
