fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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