you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
