There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
