I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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