I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am available for nakedness
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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