He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
