does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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