the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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