This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
