LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
