Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
