brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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