Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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