the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
