I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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