I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
