You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
