I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
