ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
are you so shy because you have an std?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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