Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I understand Curling. That high.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
