Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
