one word: firstdatebathroomanal
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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