And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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