I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
