i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
