i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
