Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just found a bag of teeth...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
