I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
