is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
