Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
