I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
