Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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