the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
either way he was missing a nipple.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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