I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
