I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize