you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
