so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think people are normalizing furries
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
