Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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