I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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