I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
