When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
