You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
