I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
vagina is talking i cant
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
