i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
