Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
