I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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