So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
