call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
