I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
