Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize