you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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