Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
