things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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