I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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