After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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